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Every Day, I Waited to Get Fired
Workplace Anxiety ate me alive
In 2013, I went for a job interview at Shanghai’s prettiest, most famous international kindergarten for a teaching position. The campus was a dream; a kind of campground that prioritized open spaces and had direct access to a neighboring zoo. The moment I got hired, I thought, “Someone made a terrible mistake.”
My Misconceptions
In my mind, everyone hated my company and put up with me until I found the door. Why would a principal offer me a position at such a gorgeous school? Didn’t she know I was human garbage? I went to the first day of work shaking in my sensible shoes. I prepared myself for security to escort me out before I got to see a single sloth.
When the boss gave me a smile instead of a pained grimace, I tentatively got ready for my new students. As I copied and laminated, the clicks and hums of the machines set my anxiety to a rhythm, whispering, “just wait… they hate you… just wait…” I tried to shove it all down into the smallest corner of my stomach, but the more I ignored the voices, the louder they taunted.
My mental state got so intense that I finally had to ask the principal, “You meant to hire me, right? Not Linda Rutherford or maybe a Rindle Leafer?” She raised her eyebrows for a long, dramatic pause and…
