Tom, I'm sending you a big hug! I used to live in China. I'm a tall, germanic-looking queer lady and the women there wouldn't go near me. The Chinese obsession with weight drove me over the wall - I even heard girls as young as three being told, "You're too fat." It's wild! Good for you for putting yourself out there. You're brave. Keep that courage and your chin up. And maybe try dating expat ladies.